Our identity is the single most powerful force in the human condition because we will do anything to remain consistent with this powerful self-concept. Our identity is what we allow ourselves to be defined by.
This is super important because what defines us owns us psychologically. For example, if I define myself by the results I am getting in my career or business, I will become emotionally hypersensitive to my wins and losses, and take them profoundly personally. If we define ourselves by our results, then the quality of those results will own my entire psychological and emotional landscape.
Have you ever had a month or quarter where everything just goes wrong, or even right? Our purpose is hijacked by the very nature of our identity. By defining myself by my results, my results hold dominion over my mind. This will produce needless stress, pressure and amplify the uncertainties which naturally exist in our careers and personal lives.
What is the solution?
However, if we shift our attention away from our roles and instead focus on who we are becoming, this makes a world of difference. Defining ourselves by our character rather than by our roles creates in us a more profound capability to handle the inevitable uncertainties our careers and businesses will bring.
Our character influences the quality of our decisions, choice points and actions. This is especially true in difficult situations. Focusing on our character is a long-term strategy, whereas focusing on what we are doing via our role is short-term strategy. Our roles come and go but our character is here to stay.
The more psychologically mature we become, the more we realize that our most fulfilling sense of purpose will only ever be found in service to others. This contribution-based, meaning-driven, value-adding approach is where the deepest levels of fulfillment seem to be.
The more psychologically mature we become, the more we realize that our most fulfilling sense of purpose will only ever be found in service to others.
Here’s one of the greatest ironies in business. The harder we chase results the more inconsistent those results seem to be. However, the deeper we place our attention on the value and meaning we add to others, our results not only go up, but they go up and stay up. In other words, by taking care of other people’s dreams, our dreams get taken care of along the ride.
The most psychologically mature leaders in business place their attention on making their people better people. This becomes their purpose. This is a deep expression of care for their team members. The very nature of this care breeds loyalty, commitment and engagement, and this in turn improves our results in a sustainable way, ironing out those annoying inconsistencies. This is something that can only be sincerely expressed. This cannot be faked for self-gain.
Our literal skills of process, strategy and systems are only as good as their application. The quality of the application can only be as good as the commitment, loyalty and engagement of the people applying them.
The more we make our lives and purpose about ourselves, the more vulnerable we become to depression and anxiety. The more we make it all about ourselves the more difficulties we will have in navigating any form of uncertainty.
Lesson from nature
Nature can teach us so much. Nature is the ultimate guide if we take the time to notice. One of the most important lessons we can learn from nature is that the quality of something’s existence is based on its level of contribution.
The most psychologically mature leaders in business place their attention on making their people better people.
Let’s just take a cell in a leaf as an example. That one cell’s vitality and strength is based on its ability to contribute to its local cellular community. The more it contributes, the more life supports it. If that cell’s contribution was to begin to fall away, this becomes the beginning of the end for that cell.
Its depth of purpose can only be found in its level of contribution. If that cell stops contributing to its local cellular community, it will be annihilated.
How our identity shapes our purpose
Approximately 100 years ago, Carl Jung identified four universal stages or phases our identities evolve through. Each of these phases carries with it evolving values, shifting priorities and a shift in purpose.
Here’s a helicopter view of these stages:
Athlete archetype: At this stage of our psychological development, we define ourselves by our physicality and material possessions. We become hypersensitive to people’s opinions about how we look, walk, talk and their opinions of our car, bike, apartment, where we live and so on. The core driving question here is, “What do you think of me?”
As our responsibilities in life continue to expand, we evolve into the next identity phase.
Warrior archetype: Here is where we begin defining ourselves by our results. We measure progress by comparing our incomes, lifestyle, parenting, children and so on, with others. The chasing down of the Joneses begins. The core driving question becomes “What can I get?”
This is a building phase. What are we getting? Getting the experience, the skills, the qualification, the house, the girl, the guy and so on.
One of the most important lessons we can learn from nature is that the quality of something’s existence is based on its level of contribution.
The above two phases are egocentric in nature and are generally self-absorbed levels of consciousness. At some point we will get lost, losing our sense of direction. How much more can we have? How many more times are we going to keep chasing? How many more goals can we achieve? It becomes exhausting.
Ironically after a while, the challenge becomes repetitive and boring. We begin disengaging; some of us can even fall into a crisis or even depression.
Enter the third stage of identity:
The statesperson: This marks the entry into a new psychological landscape. Here we enter the meaning-driven world. It is at this point, after much trial and tribulation, we begin the process of building a legacy. The legacy of relationships, the legacy of conversation. We become defined by what we leave behind.
Our lives become less about us and more about others. In this third stage we become heart-centric. Our ego no longer holds dominion. We have nothing left to prove. We have nothing to defend. Some of us may enter into Jung’s fourth stage.
Spirit: This is the beginning of a new journey. A journey into another world. This phase is riddled in divine curiosity. We want to know more about the mystery of life. We begin to realize that we really don’t know anything. We can’t answer the fundamental questions of: Where did we come from? How did we get here? Where do we go, if anywhere beyond death of the body?
CS Lewis was once known to have said, “You don’t have a soul, you are a soul, what you have is a body.”
The more I live, the more I realize that none of this is about us. In the immortal words of Earl Nightingale, “Stop living life fast and start living life deep.”
