When Gabby Bernstein’s therapist told her, “It sounds like your 10-year-old self is running your business,” the number one New York Times bestselling author, spiritual teacher and international speaker felt like she’d been caught red-handed.
Beneath the polished surface of her successful brand and bestselling books, the driving force behind her relentless ambition came into focus. It was a younger version of herself – eager, insecure and desperate to prove she was enough.
“I was like, ‘Oh f***, you know. She’s right,’” Bernstein tells The CEO Magazine.
Personal transformation
Bernstein is no stranger to uncovering deeper truths like that. She’s been on a journey of self-discovery guided by the therapeutic framework of Internal Family Systems (IFS) for years.
With IFS, she realized that many of the struggles she has faced as a leader – feeling the need to control everything, reacting with frustration and burning out – stemmed from unresolved childhood wounds.
“I wanted to bring IFS into the world, to everyday life, and give it to people that may not otherwise ever get their hands on it.”
“Through my journey of IFS and self-help practices, I’ve been able to notice when I get triggered by a work situation,” she says. “I can recognize when I get activated and controlling, frustrated and annoyed and want to lash out – basically, all the ways we can be these less-than-ideal leaders.
“Now, instead of looking at the situation and saying, ‘Oh, well that’s warranted’ or ‘I am the only one that can do it’, I begin to check in with the parts of me that get so activated.”
Bernstein’s personal transformation now forms the backbone of her latest book, Self Help, a guide to navigating the complex emotions that often hold people back. She has taken the principles of IFS and turned them into a self-help practice accessible to all with one aim: to bring the benefits of this powerful therapy beyond the four walls of a therapist’s office.
Bernstein has appeared on Oprah Winfrey’s Super Soul Sunday as a ‘next-generation thought leader’
“I wanted to bring IFS into the world, to everyday life, and give it to people that may not otherwise ever get their hands on it,” she explains.
From addict to impact
Her commitment to this mission is clear, but it has been a hard-won lesson. Two decades ago, Bernstein’s life looked radically different. At 24, she was at the peak of a successful career, running a PR firm in New York City’s nightlife scene. On the surface, things looked great. But behind the scenes, Bernstein was battling a drug and alcohol addiction.
After a particularly rough night, she found herself in her beat-up white Toyota at 8am, feeling hungover and unwell. She had reached a crossroads.
“I could continue using drugs and alcohol and running from my childhood fears and wounds, numbing out with all kinds of substances,” Bernstein says. “Or I could make the choice to get sober and do the inner work that’s required to heal.”
“I’m here and alive to say that sobriety works, that making the commitment to your inner world is the greatest commitment of your life.”
That morning, she chose sobriety. And in October 2024, Bernstein celebrated 19 years of it.
“I’m here and alive to say that sobriety works, that making the commitment to your inner world is the greatest commitment of your life,” she says with conviction.
“And I’m very proud of myself. I’m very proud of the journey that I’ve been on to be able to get to this place.”
Self help works
Yet, even after overcoming addiction, new challenges surfaced. Bernstein soon found herself trading one addiction for another: work. Unlike substance abuse, though, her workaholic tendencies earned her compliments and respect from those around her.
“Workaholism is a hard addiction to spot because it is so often praised. And it’s something we get a lot of credit for – ‘Oh you work so hard, you can do so much in one day, you think so fast’ or whatever the story might be,” she explains.
“It’s a common trait of an entrepreneur, a CEO. It can be a way of proving yourself or making yourself feel seen and heard. For me, it was always running and working to override the feeling of, ‘If I don’t do it, nobody else will.’ And that put me into a lot of workaholic behaviors.”
In Self Help, she shares many personal anecdotes to help her message hit home with readers, including this powerful example:
While my dedication to work brought immense joy and helped many people, it also became an excessive means for me to numb out my exiled, dissociated childhood trauma. As my complete lack of work–life balance started to spiral out of control, my physical wellbeing deteriorated and I experienced debilitating nervous breakdowns, I finally accepted that this seemingly commendable ‘work ethic’ was in fact an addictive pattern. It took years for me to come to this realization – after all, I was praised for my successes and how much I could accomplish.
The very tools she shares in her 10th book became her way out of that cycle, offering a path to a more balanced and authentic life. Specifically, Bernstein’s four-step, check-in process – choosing to check in, curiosity, compassion and checking for ‘C’ qualities like calmness and clarity – has been instrumental in reshaping deeply ingrained patterns.
“Workaholism is a hard addiction to spot because it is so often praised.”
“It’s a form of inner inquiry that all leaders, particularly CEOs, must do in order to scale their businesses, grow the team and develop trust in the workplace,” she explains. “And I can say that with authority because I’ve done it the other way, and it doesn’t work. The miracle inside this book is not just inner peace but also far more success.
“Self Help can save you millions of dollars in hiring and firing woes and show you a path to greater teamwork. And it all comes from doing the inner work first.”
Secret to career success
Self Help’s release is strategically timed, hitting the shelves on New Year’s Eve – perfect for those looking to start the year with a fresh perspective. It has tremendous potential to guide business leaders toward their most successful year yet.
“The secret to career success as a CEO is to do the inner work because whatever is unresolved within you is showing up at the office and definitely blocking your success,” Bernstein explains.
“You’re very likely in many ways running your business like your 10-year-old self, like my therapist said. So try it out. It could take 15 minutes or an hour. There’s as little effort or as much effort as you want to put into this. So read or listen to the book, and then try out the four-step, check-in process with some of the parts of you that show up at work.”
“The secret to career success as a CEO is to do the inner work because whatever is unresolved within you is showing up at the office and definitely blocking your success.”
And while she understands that busy leaders may feel short on time, Bernstein doesn’t hold back from offering a reality check, noting bluntly: “When people say, ‘I don’t have time to do personal development work,’ I always say, ‘Do you have time to feel like sh**?’
“Business leaders can get a lot done with sheer will and pushing to make things happen. It’s not impossible to have success that way. But it’s definitely not fun – and it’s a lot harder to do.”
Just getting started
Choosing the Self Help approach, Bernstein now embraces a more fulfilling way of building her business. This shift has allowed her to explore new opportunities, including venturing into the tech space with the launch of her new coaching app, gabby coaching. She’s also expanding her reach through her courses and must-listen podcast Dear Gabby, which draws more than one-million listeners each month.
Yet, despite these achievements, she insists she’s still at the beginning.
“I’m in this new space of being self-led, having an internal leader that I trust. Only now can I really grow my business and scale to the work, commitment and service that I’m here to bring.”
Grinning, she adds, “I’m just getting started.”
Gabby Bernstein’s check-in method
Get a head start on making 2025 your best year yet, with this quick overview of Bernstein’s simple four-step check-in process, taken from Self Help: This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.
The only catch? Don’t let cynicism get in the way. This may feel very new at first and resistance can be expected, Bernstein explains. However, approaching the practice with an open mind is key. So give it a try. Remember, you have nothing to lose – and a very successful, happy New Year to gain.
Bernstein’s four-step method
Step 1: Choose to check in. Each time you notice you’re feeling triggered or activated, that’s a signal to choose to turn inward. Instead of overriding your big feelings and emotions, see them as guidance revealing to you that there’s a young part inside who needs support. By proactively making the choice to turn inward, you’re pausing and pivoting out of the trigger and redirecting your attention inside.
Step 2: Curiosity. Become curious. Curiosity helps you flesh out more information and begin to see the big feelings, thoughts or sensations as a part of you rather than who you are.
Step 3: Compassion. Take some deep breaths and turn inward, asking, ‘What do you need?’ By compassionately connecting with your inner world, you can hear what this triggered part of you actually needs – often, it’s to feel safe, seen and supported.
Step 4: Check for C qualities: The final step is to check for the qualities, including curiosity, compassion, calmness, clarity, creativity, connectedness, courage and confidence. When you notice any of these eight qualities, you’ll be able to respond and react to situations in a mindful way, clearing space for more creative solutions.
